5 Things You Don't HAVE To Do When Racial Trauma Is in the Headlines

Whenever racism happens, there’s often this expectation for us to respond in certain ways. We can’t overreact, have to brush it off, push through, or explain why it hurts. It’s an inner battle between pain and outrage that creates wounds deeper than most people realize. 

That’s the thing about racism: it’s traumatic. It becomes generational. It’s systematic, and it is very real.

Sometimes, after racial trauma, there’s a pressure to do something, even if you didn't experience the racism directly. We often don’t even get the chance to process or heal for ourselves before the world keeps begging us to give them more. More of our time, our energy, and our resources.

Today, I want to give you permission to not react. In fact, I’m going to lay out 5 direct things that you don’t HAVE to do when something racially traumatic occurs. Whether it happened to you directly or you just see yourself represented in the victim, this is for you.

What is Racial Trauma? 

Let’s start off by first talking about what Racial Trauma is. Racial Trauma is a severely distressing event that is experienced due to racial (and often ethnic) identity. 

This can include:

• Racism

• Racial Bias

• Discrimination

• Violence Against People of Color

• Microaggressions

The thing about trauma is that even if you’re witnessing it and not directly experiencing the trauma, it can still impact you a lot. It also doesn’t need to be one big severe event. Multiple things over time can have just as much of an effect on you.

5 Things You Don't HAVE To Do When Racial Trauma Is in the Headlines

I want to emphasize that this is heavy on the you don’t HAVE to do any of the things I’m about to list. If and when you're ready, you're free to do any of the things on this list. But do it because you want to, and not out of perceived pressure from others.

We often don't have the luxury of grieving one event before another one occurs. Don't deepen your wounds by jumping into something you're not ready for.

1. You don't have to watch the video.

I know they’re always all over your social media feeds and the news. Sometimes we have this need to see it for ourselves. It makes it more real. It validates the things we’ve known to be true for years. Sometimes we feel the need to watch it, so we can know for sure. Or maybe we watch it for all the people who’ve had similar stories and experiences before cameras were around to fully document them. 

There’s no one reason. Sometimes it's all of them and none of them. I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that you don’t have to force yourself to watch the video. What happened in it is still valid and very real, whether you watch it or not.

2. You don't have to post about it.

I completely understand the importance of getting the word out about what happened. Whether it’s to warn others or to make sure the people around you are informed. Please know that you do not HAVE to do this. Especially when you just found out for yourself. 

For some, it can feel like you’re doing your part, no matter how small, in the fight against racism. But there are multiple ways to fight, and not everyone has to fight the same way.

3. You don't have to engage in conversation with certain people. 

Whenever something racist happens, there are always those people who feel the need to play Devil’s Advocate or just argue about the validity of the situation. You do not need to engage with those people. You don’t have to convince them to see how wrong they are or understand the situation on a therapy level. That’s not on you. Especially because more often than not, those people are just looking for a fight or to get attention for themselves. They are not worth your time or energy.

4. You don't have to educate others.

Piggybacking on the previous point, some people thrive in ignorance. Others aren’t willing to do the work to educate themselves and want someone else to do it for them. Maybe they aren't even trying to start a fight; they just genuinely want to understand. It’s great that they want to learn more; you don’t have to be their source of education. You can redirect them to things like Be The Bridge, The King Center, or resources by Jemar Tisby. We thankfully live in a world where we can access information at our fingertips for free. You don’t have to be the one to teach others.

5. You don't have to become a token representative.

If you are in spaces where you are one of the few people of color, others may look to you to decide how they should respond or feel. You don’t need to fill that role. It’s not your fault that they don’t have diverse friendships and relationships that they can turn to. If you don’t feel comfortable or have a desire to be that person for them, you don’t have to.

The world already expects too much of us.

It’s not often that we’re given permission to rest. Especially for those of us raised in Christian communities, we’re told to forgive quickly, to “be a light,” to “turn the other cheek.” There’s an expectation for us to be “on” and serving others. Please know that you don’t have to give in to these expectations. 

You’re allowed to be human. Too rest, and heal, and disengage. You can grieve. You can create boundaries. You can lean in to people and places that feel safe and give you life. The biggest way to combat the atrocities of this world is by taking care of yourself. Making sure you’re okay and that your cup is full is the greatest form of resistance you can have.

I’m not asking you to disconnect from reality and put yourself in a bubble of isolation. What I am asking you to do is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Is it because it’s truly what you feel is right, or is it because you feel a sense of obligation? Don’t be afraid to take a step back and make sure you’re good before you go around trying to save the world.

How to Show Up When Racism Isn’t Your Lived Experience

For those of you who see what’s happening but don’t belong to the involved communities, keep learning and listening. If someone has a platform already created for these conversations, learn from them. Don’t hound your friends who have not indicated they’re ready to talk about this.

If you’re ready to start learning but aren’t sure where to start, follow along with me. This is what my space is for. Leave a comment, send me a message, or engage with my other resources.

We live in a society where racism is so systemically internalized that we can’t run from it. But we can learn from it. We can heal from it. And we can change it.

A Final Word

When trauma hits close to home, it’s easy to forget that you have choices. You don’t have to take it all in. You don’t have to respond right away. Your healing matters. And your boundaries are valid.

Healing doesn’t look like staying in constant reaction mode. It looks like choosing what your soul needs. Whatever that looks like for you right now, it’s okay.

Don’t be afraid to move differently next time the world explodes with racial pain. If this post resonated with you and you’re looking for a space to unpack the weight of racial trauma, identity struggles, or emotional overwhelm, I’d be honored to support you. I’m currently accepting new virtual therapy clients across the state of Florida. My practice centers on women of color, especially those navigating faith, identity, and healing from racial or intergenerational trauma. If you’re ready to prioritize your healing, I invite you to learn more about my practice, Mindful Blooms Counseling. You can also get my free resource, “12 Months of Resilience: Affirmations and Journal Prompts to Combat Racial Trauma”.

Whatever you decide to do, just know that it's your choice. You don’t have to give in to the traditions and expectations of others. Slow down, check in with yourself, and do your best to move forward with clarity. You’re not less committed to justice or progress because you chose yourself. You deserve to rest.