What Grief Looks Like and Ways to Navigate It
Grief is messy. Some days are heavier than others. Some people don’t know how to handle it and may feel uncomfortable with grief. But we all face it at some point, and it’s worth talking about.
A lot of society avoids the topic of grief altogether or tries to rush people through it. When we come across cultures that celebrate grief, it can get looked at with upturned noses or as some sort of spectacle that’s nice to look at once in a while. In spaces where grief is not acknowledged, it can make an already hard time even lonelier and more isolating.
Because so many people don’t talk about grief, a lot of us may not even know what grief looks like. My hope for you is that through this blog, you’re able to lean into the discomfort of discussing grief. So that one day we can talk about it as easily as we discuss joy, success, and accomplishments.
Grief looks different for everyone, but there are some key components that can be found throughout it. I want you to know there’s no right way to experience it, but there are some things you can do to help the process.
What is Grief?
Grief is the reaction to loss. Usually, when people think of grief, they think of it in response Grief is the reaction to loss. Usually, when people think of grief, they think of it in response to the death of a loved one. However, it can also develop after the loss of a relationship, a pet, or a dream
When people talk about grief, they often talk about the different stages. There’s a lot of debate on what the exact stages are, but it is a helpful way to describe some of the experiences of grief.
The most common stages of grief are through the Kubler-Ross model. Her model includes five stages:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
These stages can vary in length and severity, and do not always occur in a linear order, especially the first four. It’s okay to feel like there are days when your grief has you filled with anger and then other moments when you feel like you can accept the way that things are.
While grief is the reaction to a loss, mourning is the process of adapting to the loss. Bereavement is the time period of both grieving and mourning, and also varies from person to person.
Who Does Grief Affect?
Grief does not discriminate when it comes to who it affects. Because grief can occur from more scenarios than the death of a loved one, grief can impact any and everyone. With age, grief may occur more frequently due to the natural progression of life, but children can also experience grief as well. When you think about the different ways grief can impact a person, you may come to find that the people around you are grieving too, without you even realizing.
What Does Grief Look Like?
Grief can affect you emotionally, cognitively, physically, and socially.
The emotional effects of grief are what people are usually most familiar with. You may experience sadness, despair, guilt, fear, shock, emptiness, or numbness. The things that used to bring you joy may no longer interest you. Another thing you may experience is initial feelings of loss of self-esteem, confidence, and even a sense of identity.
Cognitive effects of grief can vary from person to person. They include increased anxiety, feeling out of control, and an inability to concentrate. There may also be changes in your ability to manage stress.
The physical effects of grief include loss of appetite, change in energy, trouble sleeping, and decreased immune health.
The social effects of grief can be some of the hardest to navigate. You may find it hard to go to places that remind you of what you're grieving. Relationships may also change due to isolation or emotional strain.
How Long Does Grief Last?
There is no timeline for grief. The intensity of the symptoms will lessen with time, but the sentiment behind what has been lost can last a lifetime. Just know that feeling the pain of loss less doesn’t mean you didn’t love the person or really want the dream that ended differently than you’d hoped.
What Happens If Grief Is Left “Untreated”?
There is no cure for grief, but if the intensity of the symptoms has increased or remained the same after 12 months, it may have developed into prolonged grief disorder. Bereavement-related depression may also develop, but this mainly occurs in people who already have a susceptibility to depressive disorders. According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder 5-TR, the key difference between grief and a depressive episode is that “grief’s predominant affect is feelings are emptiness and loss, while in MDE [Major Depressive Episode] it is persistent depressed mood and the inability to anticipate happiness or pleasure” ((American Psychiatric Association [APA], 2022, p. 177).
If prolonged grief is left untreated, you may experience a decreased ability to function in daily living skills due to an increase in symptoms. If it continues to be harder for you to get out of bed or your relationships with others continue to deteriorate because of isolation, it might be time to get some outside help and support.
How Can Grief Be Treated?
When it comes to nonclinical grief, treatment is not typically required. Sometimes, just being in community with others is enough. However, if you are finding it hard to manage your symptoms or feel that you may be experiencing prolonged grief, a counselor who specializes in grief can help immensely.
You can also try joining some support groups with people who can relate to what you’re going through. LBee Health has a huge variety of affordable group therapy options that are worth checking out. Don’t punish yourself by suffering in silence. Everyone is deserving of getting help.
Where to Start?
If you're just starting to process your feelings of grief, here are some things you can do to get started.
Slow down. Give yourself time, and don’t try to rush the process of healing.
Reflect. Spend time reflecting on the happy moments you had with the person or thing that you lost.
Reconnect. Spend time with loved ones or create a new community that feels safe. Invest time in things that help bring joy and laughter into your life.
A Final Note
Grief can be very hard to navigate, and you’re not meant to do it alone. You don’t have to make major changes overnight, but you want to start somewhere. Wherever you are in your journey, make sure to keep moving forward. It will take time and patience, but it’s worth it.
If you’d like to learn more about grief and mental health, be sure to subscribe to my emails or follow me on socials @BloomingWithBisi. If you’re a Florida resident and are interested in therapy sessions, head to my practice site, Mindful Blooms Counseling. Grief is a natural, human response to loss, but it does not have to be carried alone. If you find yourself feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or weighed down by the heaviness of grief, know that support is available.
